SINGAPOREโ Local otaku Aldous Ang was surprised by a sudden surge in matches for his online dating profile, following his recent approval for a UOB credit card.
The 37-year old bachelor, who lives with his parents and two cats Abbott and Costello, has received more than a dozen matches on Tinder over the past week, a twelve-fold increase compared to the previous six months.
Ang inadvertently uploaded a photo of his new UOB credit card last week, when updating his Tinder profile to include his latest Dungeon Master certification and remove a line which, when taken out of context, might suggest that Captain Kirk was a lesser Enterprise commander. He was subsequently inundated with matches from Singapore and across Southeast Asia.
Ang, who was unaware of the Taylor Swift Eras Tour presale for UOB cardholders, hypothesised his recent hot streak to be the result of a concerted effort on self-improvement. โItโs been a slow 2023 for me so far on the dating front, but the market is finally starting to appreciate men with an encyclopaedic knowledge of Monty Python,โ he mused. โPlus, I won a lengthy argument in the Doctor Who subreddit recently, which I think really helped boost my street cred.โ
Showing the reporter a lengthy list of chats, Ang noted that the messages had come quick and fast, before snorting โthatโs what she said!โ, in an apparent reference to the American television sitcom series The Office.
โAt first I thought they were scammers who wanted to steal my money, but it soon became apparent theyโre actual females who want to steal my heart.โ Ang elaborated.
Noting the numerous shared interests he had with his matches, Ang expressed optimism for the future.
โMost of my matches seem to be really interested in my gaming rig setup, because quite a few were asking about my broadband speed. They got really excited when I told them I have a top-of-the-line 2Gbps plan, even more so when I told them I sometimes wrote bots to get tickets to the annual Star Wars Holiday Special screeningโ.
While he is flattered by all the newfound attention, Ang is taking things one match at a time.
โI matched with this really cute girl yesterday, and weโve already set up a date for next Wednesday,โ he gushed. โShe even took leave so we can meet at my place during the day and be ready for โthe big event at 12 p.mโ, by which I assume she means the Cowboy Bebop reruns on the Animax channelโ.
He stared wistfully at the Rocky Horror Picture Show poster on his wall. โYou know, Iโd love to take her to a renaissance fairโฆ.IF WE HAD ONE!โ. There was a prolonged silence before Ang rolled his eyes and informed the reporter it was a reference to The Fairly OddParents, a Nickelodeon animated series that ran in the early aughts.
At press time, Ang remained blissfully unaware that his UOB card had already been cloned by a Tinder match, who traded a copy of the front and back for a photo of her cleavage. On closer inspection, the image turned out to be the butt crack of an obese male.
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