The MileLion Announces New CEO
[For immediate release]
SINGAPORE, 1 July 2023— After an exhaustive nine-month global search, the Board of Directors is delighted to announce the appointment of Abigail Wong as the new Chief Executive Officer (CEO) of The MileLion.
Abigail was formerly the Junior Vice President of Synchronised Swimming and Food Cravings at The MileLioness, and has extensive international experience across Bangkok, Male, Melbourne, New York City, Orlando and Tokyo during her 40-week tour of duty.
File photo: Abigail Wong at previous place of employment
As CEO, she will be responsible for all strategic and operational initiatives, including editorial direction, publishing timelines and frequency, and the newly-launched PoopScoreSM, which ranks all credit cards on a scale of 1-5 💩.
|BOC Elite Miles Card|
|Verdict: “A symposium of meconium!”|
Abigail has announced a wide range of cost optimisation measures to steer The MileLion into profitability, as it seeks a listing on the highly-prestigious-and-totally-awesome Catalist exchange.
To spearhead this initiative, Abigail will not be utilising her entitlement to private jet travel, nor will she be renewing the lease on Yachty McYachtface, the company’s private yacht. The CEO’s office will also be switching to single-ply diapers. Employees will be encouraged to source hotels from reputable, value-for-money chains, and travel on budget-friendly carriers, preferably on mistake fares.
“Serving as CEO of The MileLion has been one of the biggest honours of my life, perhaps second only to that time the cai fan aunty called me shuai ge.
However, I realise the time is right to step aside and allow new blood to take the reins. It is clear that the future of The MileLion lies in reviews of Kidztopia, inflight baby meals, and carry-on strollers, and Abigail is uniquely qualified to lead this strategic thrust.”
-Aaron Wong, outgoing CEO of The MileLion
“Aah owh gurgle fart coo grunt owh aah”
-Abigail Wong, new CEO of The MileLion
The Board looks forward to your complete, unquestioning and undying loyalty towards our new glorious leader.
Appendix: What this means for The MileLion
So, it looks like I’ll be redeeming miles for three from here on out!
It’s a lot to process, suffice to say there’s no feeling quite like holding your firstborn in your arms (sorry, second kid onwards- been there done that!). And despite the fact you know they’re one day going to destroy your furniture and dent your car, you can’t help but feel a special bond of love and affection towards the little ankle-biters. I’d say it ranks a close second to getting my first credit card, mainly because my first credit card didn’t drool on me.
Ever since The MileLioness broke the news (while I was deathly ill with COVID no less; I thought her pregnancy test was an ART kit), I’ve had a lot of thinking to do. The past nine months have been formative in that sense: a call to examine my attitudes towards childbearing, a warning about the spiritual dangers of a heart too attached to idle pleasures, and an invitation to take up the high calling of parenthood.
There are, of course, a lot of concerns and fears about becoming parents, but as John Piper puts it:
“Of course, we don’t know whether we will have a disabled child or not, who changes our lives forever. Of course, we don’t know whether a child will break our heart with unbelief. Of course, we don’t know if our child will live six hours and then die. And of course, we do know that our children will demand enormous, focused attention. We do know that to raise a child in the Lord demands spiritual desperation and prayer and focus and attention. We do know that there will be financial demands from our lifelong commitment to this child. We do know that there will be thousands of hours that you must deny yourself an immediate felt need in order to do good to this child.
But from the standpoint of God’s word, none of those possible heartaches and none of these guaranteed stresses are reasons not to have children, because the Bible does not share the modern viewpoint that the aim of life is the avoidance of hardship. On the contrary, the assumption of the Bible is that through many tribulations we enter the kingdom (Acts 14:22), and that the testing of our faith produces steadfastness (James 1:3), and that there’s joy to be found through giving ourselves away. Jesus said, “It is more blessed to give than to receive” (Acts 20:35).”
And that’s to say nothing of all the joys and delight of fatherhood which, I am reliably informed, do exist!
What does this mean for The MileLion as a website? For the past eight years this blog’s been running, there’s been a constant request for more family-focused travel content. And while there has been the odd article here and there, it’s not what you’d call comprehensive. I just never had the time nor inclination to sift through the various rules regarding award travel with infants and what not.
Well that’s all about to change, because needless to say, having a child radically changes the miles game. This is basically the great reset for me (the one that doesn’t involve you eating ze bugs) as far as travel is concerned.
Maybe for the first two years you can dump them with the in-laws, but once they start forming memories you’re going to want to bring them along (the kids, not the in-laws). And since there’s no discounted redemptions for non-bassinet children, your decision matrix is either:
- Fly the kid in Business and lament all the champagne they’re not drinking
- Fly the kid in Economy and learn the true meaning of family togetherness
- Fly the kid in Economy while you fly in Business and get called out on the interwebs for being th3 WorsT pARENts EVer (even though the kid will probably be thrilled by all the unsupervised screen time and unlimited sugar intake)
None of these are ideal, quite frankly, and in any case I haven’t given much thought to what the travel plan will be. There’s somewhat more pressing matters at the moment.
Still, having kids will invariably give rise to different types of content. In fact, I was toying with the idea of reviewing Kai Suites, though the S$29,000 cost for a 1-month stay was, shall we say, off-putting. But even if the price tag were less insane, I’d prefer my efforts over the next few weeks be focused on Abigail and The MileLioness, as opposed to snapping photos of bedside USB charging ports and stress testing the Wi-Fi network.
And taking a step back, it wouldn’t sit well with me to turn a personal moment like that into a content-generation opportunity. I think there should be some barriers between personal and professional spheres, especially in a job like mine where the dividing line is invariably fuzzy. Let’s not even talk about the way some internet personalities turn their kids into social media props, pranking them on camera for cheap Instagram likes (hallo, child protective services). Getting your kids involved in your work is a slippery, slippery slope, and I don’t want to touch that with a 10-foot pole.
So, what kind of content can you expect then? Well, I’m partial to writing bland, informative guides, and sometimes bland, informative guides are exactly what you need. I’m going to be learning a whole lot about the process of travelling with kids, so why not put that knowledge into articles that others can benefit from? (I am, perhaps unwisely, assuming there’s still a market for 2,000 word long-form articles and not just 10-second TikTok hot takes)
Apart from that, I still plan to take review trips when there’s some new airline, hotel or lounge that tickles my fancy, though they’ll be short there-and-back hops to minimise time away from home (*cats in the cradle intensifies*). And of course there’ll continue to be a constant flow — a poonami, if you will — of content on how you can maximise your credit card miles, now that you have to redeem tickets for three.
So there you have it. If you’re a regular reader, please understand that posts may occasionally dry up, or I might temporarily focus on updating older guides rather than publishing brand new ones. If you’re a brother or sister, please keep The MileLioness and I in your prayers as we strive to raise a godly child who dares to live counterculturally. And if you’re a deep-pocketed company, the ink isn’t dry on the middle name yet- let’s talk naming rights.
In the meantime, please excuse me because I just read somewhere that using the wrong brand of baby detergent turns your child into a serial killer.
Parents: Please share any and all means of surviving travel with children!