Dear Joseph Schooling…

Dear Joseph Schooling

I would like to congratulate you on your recent gold medal at the Rio Olympics. Although I know nothing about the sport of swimming and my ever expanding waistline sets off tsunami alert buoys every time I go to the beach, my armchair punditry qualifies me to call you “the best swimmer I have ever watched on TV”.

Your life is about to change as you will now doubtlessly be inundated by sponsorship requests, fair-weathered friends and tinder groupies. Rest assured, however, that The Milelion has your well-toned back.

I understand that Singapore Airlines has decided to mark your achievement by awarding you with one million Krisflyer miles and your very own Krisflyer Elite Gold card.

No doubt you are a seasoned traveler. However, I would like to humbly offer you some advice on your recent windfall.

How to spend one million Krisflyer miles

Regarding your award of one million Krisflyer miles, I am, as the young people these days say, a jellyfish.

Where to begin? One million Krisflyer miles will get you

• 5 round trips in First Class or 6 round trips in Business Class to Sao Paulo, in case you want to relive your happy memories in Brazil (only until 20th October though, sadly)
• The chance to experience SQ’s Suites product 31 times as you fly back and forth between Singapore and Hong Kong. I hear the Private Room is excellent this time of year
• 9 round trips in First Class or 14 round trips in Business Class to Tokyo, in case you want to get a head start on your 2020 Olympic Games preparations
• 47 round trips in Economy to Bangkok, because even ballers need to unwind sometimes
• A S$9,500 Scoot voucher, because Scooting is so breezy when using miles (in a very, very bad way) is this easy!
• A S$10,000 discount on any SQ flight when you click the “Pay with Miles” option (please don’t)
• Fly yourself, your parents and that special someone (me! me!) around the world in Business Class via the Star Alliance RTW award ticket. I’ve done it before and it’s not too shabby.  Or you can fly two people RTW in First Class and stick one in Business

All this assumes you can get saver availability, which may involve staking out a waitlist, which may or may not be as bad as I previously thought. And also that your one million miles will not be diluted by unscrupulous mileage brokers online.  Should you wish to monetize your one million miles, however, you should be able to sell them for up to US$12,500 at Cash4Miles. Tell them The Milelion sent you!

Krisflyer Elite Gold

Joseph Schooling, I know there are many malcontents on the interweb who accuse SQ of being stingy by only giving you Krisflyer Elite Gold.

Pay them no heed.

As a three year Krisflyer Elite Gold member I can tell you that your future has never been brighter. After all, you can look forward to

• Priority check-in, baggage handling, boarding, and waitlisting (allegedly)
• A 25% bonus on miles flown (selected fare classes only)
• Access to Star Alliance Gold lounges worldwide, and all the comforts of the awe inspiring Krisflyer Gold lounge in Singapore (if you want to use the loo, exit the lounge and turn to the right. If you need a shower, pay-per-use showers are available in the terminal. But don’t worry! As per Changi Airport’s website, the showers come fully equipped as shown below)

• The vague sense that you are somewhat more important than the other passengers sitting alongside you in economy

So what if you don’t get

• Access to the SilverKris lounge in Singapore when departing in economy class
• A higher prefence on the waitlist for awards or (gasp) op-ups
• An annual renewal gift from Singapore Airlines
• Your own personal PPS Connect concierge
• A subscription to the Priority magazine

Who needs ’em!

Note: I am unclear as to whether you need to requalify for your Krisflyer Elite Gold every year, or if it will be granted to you in perpetuity. Singapore Airlines believes it is a “cool idea :)” to make sure the card doesn’t expire after one year.

However, Singapore Airlines also believed it was a “cool idea” to stop offering Lifetime PPS Solitaire memberships, not allow Suite Saver redemptions for donkey years after introduction, not allow Business and First Saver redemptions for the 2006 revamped cabin products for more than four years after introduction, to retain high fuel surcharges on award tickets even after fuel prices crashed, to introduce co-branded credit cards with few tangible benefits etc. Your mileage may vary, I suppose is the point I’m making.

Joseph Schooling, I remain at your disposal for any and all miles-related questions you may have. Also, I understand that you will soon be receiving S$1 million for your recent triumph. Although the SNOC will take its pound of flesh and you’ll have to pay tax on this, you should still have a good sized amount left over. I know a Nigerian Prince in Lagos who is currently trying to extradite some funds from the country. He is trustworthy and also a very good swimmer. Do let me know if we can come to some business understanding regarding this.

Yours faithfully,
The Milelion

PS: If you know any cute swimming girls who would like to travel better for less, you know where to find me.

PPS: Something that Singapore Airlines didn’t give you.